November 23, 2011

Out of practice

I used to write all the time. I pretty much always had a notebook with me. My hand would be stained with ink and sometimes, I had trouble deciphering what I'd written later. Bus rides are not good for penmanship, nor are hand cramps.
Then I became a business owner and had neither time nor energy left at the end of the day.
I think part of that, too, is just getting older. When I was in my early twenties, a pool table or a dart board were a must at at bar, because who wants to just sit and drink? Over the last few years I've found that I'd rather perch at the bar and chat after a long day.

I keep writing posts and deleting them because they're pretty incoherent. Most days, I barely have time to get my thoughts down, let alone organized.
I don't think I've atrophied, I'm just extremely out of shape.

My priority now is my family. Raising my daughter, loving my husband, taking care of our home. Also making sure I have enough left for myself, in order to do the preceding well.
I keep saying "after the new year," as in after the new year, I'll start to look for a part time job, I'll start writing regularly, I'll get to my to-do list. This isn't an attempt at a New Year's resolution. It's simply that I make a lot of handmade gifts and the few months leading up to Christmas are filled with knitting, sewing and baking.
It's hard to talk about it without it sounding like excuses. There's always something, no matter what you're trying to do or not do. So just do it, already.
Gently. I don't want to sprain anything, because an injury would really set me back.

November 17, 2011

Phantom babies

From what I understand (meaning I've talked to a couple of women and they report the same thing), it's pretty normal to hear babies crying. When there aren't actually any babies crying, I mean.
I'll be in the shower and think I hear the babe wake up from her nap. After I turn off the water, it's clear there's no way I could have heard her over the fan and water from behind a closed door.
We'll be watching TV in the evening and have to mute it and listen. I sneak to the bottom of the stairs and stand there, looking up into the darkness, for no reason.
Compounding this problem is the fact that we live in a duplex and our next door neighbors have a baby that cries all the time. It's hard to tell sometimes which walls the cries are coming through. (The cries are coming from INSIDE THE HOUSE!)

The last four or five days, she's woken up every half hour after going down for the night, needing soothing. I'm really hoping she's working on some big new skill and in a few more days, she'll be back to sleeping a little longer. Cause most of my phantom babies this week have turned out not to be phantom babies at all.

November 10, 2011

Modern Housewifery, week 2

I'm just starting to get my feet back under me and feel normal again after the last month. I can't imagine how I'll feel once the kid starts sleeping longer stretches at night again. A lady can dream.

Meanwhile, I've baked three (three!) loaves of bread this week, on top of cooking dinner every night, cleaning the house before it looked disgusting and keeping up on the laundry.
I think I'm gonna like this.

November 9, 2011

More please

There are days and hours I just try to get through. My head is filled with all the things that need to get done. Dinner, cleaning, wrapping up loose ends. I try to stay in the present, try to appreciate the moment, but it's hard. Especially when the moment is a teething, tired baby.

And then I'm blindsided with a moment like last night. Nothing special or out of the ordinary, just something that grabs me by the shoulders and shakes and says "This. This makes everything better. This is what matters." A baby that's laughing so hard she can't catch her breath, I can't catch my breath or see through the tears.

This. It's enough to keep me going and remind me that while all this is fleeting for me, it's not for her. Make the moments matter.

November 6, 2011

Add it to the list

During my pregnancy, the hormones (that's the ticket!) caused me to get irrationally angry at nonsense. Hearing the non-word "baconnoiseur" would set me off. Luckily, it was mostly in good humor and never lasted long. Also luckily, ad writers seem to have held off until after my hormones settled down to unleash particularly egregious examples.

1. "Power chords of taste-ocity." I don't even know what this means.

2. Adorkable. Yup, Zooey Deschanel strikes again.

I hear there's an opening for an Andy Rooney. Let me update my resume.